On Being Self-Taught, Taking Music Lessons and Playing at Home
I’d like to share something with you today. Yes, it is kind of long, but it addresses something about music study that I think you will find helpful, and something you may not have considered.
The other day, a parent of one of my students mentioned that they were self-taught on the piano, and with music in general. They told me their mom was a piano teacher, and she showed them things, but they didn’t count that, as, well, they weren’t their ‘teacher.’
I know more than a few people who would describe themselves as ‘self-taught,’ all with different degrees of having had formal music study, from none at all to a fair amount.
There is another discussion we could have about how music fans tend to romanticize the ‘self-taught’ thing, but, well, we’ll let that be another discussion.
But, being self-taught: I understand this perspective. It’s a different arrangement when a young person is officially going over to the teacher’s studio, getting assigned things to do, etc. It all looks like bona-fide teaching is going on. But I have a different take on music study.
I think everybody is self-taught.
I know this because I figured it out when I was taking piano lessons. When you take private music lessons, you see your teacher once a week, and the rest of the time, it’s you and the piano (or piccolo, as the tuba may French horn be). Parents can help, but, it’s up to the ‘student,’ and no one else. This is different from elementary school, where a student sees their primary teachers nearly every day. They get the message that when they are at school, learning is taking place.
What I do want parents to know is that often a young person’s perception of going to music lessons is this very thing: that they are ‘learning’ when they are at the lesson, and what they do at home is just a little sort of review to keep things fresh until they see their teacher, and then they will learn some more. This is absolutely the incorrect approach and is not what is going on. This is a hard lesson to learn, because almost all other after-school activities are exactly this: you go to the activity, do the thing, and then you don’t have to think about it until the next time. You could, but not required. Dance class, hockey, soccer, sailing, cooking, hunting for snipe, building container ships, you name it. SO, when a student begins piano lessons, why would this be any different?
My Journey, in Short
Let me explain a little. I started piano lessons when I was 11. I asked for them. Before that, I bashed around for a year until I got very annoyed at how I wasn’t getting better. By the time I was 13, in my 2nd year of lessons, I realized that just preparing a little bit for my lesson, as it came around, was not producing results. I often only worked on my assignments the day before my lesson, just like, possibly, your kids! As IF my teacher didn’t know this! Whoo-boy.
But, I began to see the road ahead, a little. I had to figure out, on my own, what to do with all the suggested study items my teacher gave me, plus, how do I play like the records I was hearing? What are they doing? How long is this going to take?
My teacher, Sid, was my mentor, for sure, but it was up to me at home. His great gift to me was hours of grinding ear training during lessons (I had 90-minute lessons). Also, I had a high-level self-competitive streak when I was younger, and a temper to go with it. I was a bit unusual in that , after about the age of 12, when I got mad, my focus tended to improve (perhaps the ‘don’t get mad, get even’ kind of thing). I hated not getting the better of a challenge. I was not a sore loser, my parents and extended family were excellent at teaching how to be a good sport about a contest. I just wanted another game, and to see if I could do a little better.
So, I developed a practice routine that, over time, eventually turned into 3 to 6 hours a day. A day. It took more than a year to ramp up to that. The mental and physical stamina is considerable. I had heard certain players that I wanted to match, or get close to, and anything less was unacceptable. I was terrible at accepting compliments about my playing, because I’d set the bar pretty high. I wish I could go back and say ‘thank you’ to people who complimented me. My seeming indifference to their good wishes was often interpreted as arrogance. I just didn’t want to get lazy and think I’d ‘arrived.’ I knew better.
I listened to songs, imitated their rhythms, recorded them on tape (a big brother had a little Sony reel-to-reel) and slowed them down so I could figure out the notes. I wrote down music ideas, I practiced spontaneous improvisation with tiny motivic ideas, and then would repeat them until my recall of sequence could keep up with the ephemeral nature of music. One goal was to play for 10 minutes, and then try to repeat what I’d just done. I’d do this for hours. The results were not at all exact, but what did come out started to get really interesting. And then I could sketch out what I’d done, because I could remember it. Mozart had photographic memory. I sure as heck did not.
I used to practice scales and arpeggios for 2 hours. Imagine how that would be for you, parents, if your child started doing that. Scary, huh? Where is the keyboard in your home? Right in the living room? Gonna cut down on TV time, isn’t it? Also might cut down on practicing. And, listen to me on this- headphones suck (but we do what we gotta do). Dedication requires having a space to really go after it. I know I used to drive my father nuts with my playing. We moved after a while and put in a music room in the basement. Smart move for all parties.
I mention all this to illustrate that it was me that developed my practice routine. Yes, I was very dedicated, but I also knew that if I wanted it, I needed to make it happen, and not wait for somebody to help me any more than Sid did for 90 minutes once a week. I was- “self-taught.”
WHAT IS THE MAGIC?
If you do not reach a certain time amount of playing, none of the magic ever happens on the piano. Playing an instrument is NOT the same as listening to music. It’s a physical activity that, just like running, releases chemicals in your brain that can be very pleasing, rewarding, and surprising when you get to that spot. It only happens if you keep at it- and play for extended periods. I discovered this early on, and it was a real high I can tell you. I would go to the piano and do anything with my fingers to see if the ‘effect’ would happen. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, nothing. I was very intrigued. I chased that. I felt brighter, and even sort of bigger, when this feeling would happen. I’d feel 7 feet tall.
There is also just love of music, and the pleasure of being able to make it come alive with your own hands and ears. Sometimes that’s all it is. Singing! Wow! Sometimes, especially when kids hit adolescence, it becomes something that resonates with your feelings, and it can be many things to you- a support, a means of expression, a refuge from the unjust world, being silly and goofing around, lifting your spirits, or discovering you feel brighter and smarter after playing.
WHEN ARE THEY LEARNING?
Now, do I expect my students to practice for 4 hours a day? No! I can hope. I have had a few that did it, and they are successful musicians and/or love their ability to play. But, no, I am not expecting this, it’s very unusual.
But as I said earlier, the learning is happening at home. Practicing the practice of music for 10 minutes, days apart…not a lot of learning taking place. Thus, no magic.
I do tell my students what I’ve been writing here: you are teaching yourself about music, and it is you and the piano that make a relationship on a daily basis. They see me once a week. Music needs you every day, or it doesn’t make a home in your heart. As a teacher, I gotta let them know I believe. I hope they know that. I do my best to let them know I believe they will get there. Sometimes I could do better that way.
Parents: What do you listen to at home? Do you just listen sometimes, and not look at a SCREEN? Just listen. Do that with your kids. They can draw while they listen. But no reading.
Are My Kids Getting Anywhere on the Piano?
One huge indicator regarding if your child is getting moving or not is this: Do they connect the parts of a tune in the same tempo, and do they get any speed (tempo) going at all, or do they always play slowly? Always going slowly and stopping a lot or having different tempos means they are not spending enough time and problem solving and wanting to ‘make it go.’ I will admit to you I will find this oddly baffling to me- why wouldn’t you want to get something going kinda fast, so you’d, you know, have some fun? If you played soccer at that pace, you’d, well…you wouldn’t be playing anymore real soon. Now, ‘slow practice’ is a real thing, and I teach that, but the goal is to get rolling. Being a bit self-competitive helps a lot. You need a target.
How Do I Get My Kid to Practice?
Other than yelling and screaming? You’ll get dog food for dinner if you don’t practice!
What does this mean for parents at home? I know you hate to hound your kids to practice, because you feel that you will spoil the magic for them and they’ll just end up hating it. That’s quite possible, and the stories are legion. However, if you make a requirement, the kids that kinda like it will not mind. Integrate it into their, and the family’s, time.
What is more common is parents taking a vague hands-off approach where they don’t check up on their kid’s efforts and don’t encourage some music exploration at home. What I can mostly say is kids need to ‘find out’ when they have music lessons, or art classes, or whatever. Find out if you like it. You will not find out if you only play for 10 minutes a few times a week. Imagine saying you are going to learn to cook and that’s how much time you spend on it. That’s not enough time to warm up the oven and get out the ingredients! That’s keeping the experience at a very long arm’s length and there is no immersion. There is no magic in 10 minute spurts of playing days apart. You just end up making toast for your whole life. Sound familiar?
(if you do do short bits, multiple times a day, craftily spaced apart, that is very effective, and a legit way to practice).
When a family is musical, and parents are either musicians or play ‘recreationally’ in bands, etc, and the fabric of the home life just includes music on a daily basis, yes, it is easier. Kids just accept the presence of music, more often, when this happens. The idea of going and playing their instrument doesn’t present itself as so much of a chore. It’s just something one does when at home, like mom and dad do. My son, with drums, was this way. Go ‘play.’
Parents, perhaps there is a way to think like this, even if you do not play an instrument. Listen to music, talk about music you like, take them to shows (seeing musicians playing is fabulous). There ARE things you can do. Music is a community, and even if you do not play, you are an important part of that community when you show how much you like it. I always tell an audience this when I perform. Without them, the circle is not complete. It sure isn’t as fun!
When your youngster gets to around the right amount of practice, YOU may find it kind of annoying. . Imagine coming home from work and your child has already been playing for two hours, plays right up to dinner, and after dinner plays for 2 or 3 more hours. That was me. I was noisy, and I played things over and over like a person with a mental problem. What is WRONG with that boy?
To be musical, there is challenging work, and brain re-wiring, to achieving longer playing time, but it is the way you make the ‘magic’ possible. If one likes the physical action of making the keys go down (and back up!), the aural pleasures that result, and the mental expansion that occurs, the student will keep doing it. If they don’t, they will drift away. And then, you and they will know.
Parents have different ways of making practice requirements, and I’m happy to discuss tips and ideas to help with this, but I think parents learn what works with their kids. Don’t be afraid to make requirements. Don’t think it’s going to just happen magically, if there is not support at home. Just hoping they’ll like it might not do the trick.
FIND OUT.
Final Words
Just remember- your child is teaching themselves piano, and they see a mentor once a week to help them steer. Don’t think it’s me teaching them everything. It’s their own self doing the steering. They are learning how to take charge. Give them support in that process as best you can.
Cheers,
Erik